I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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