How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
