you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize