Pants 0. Shit 1.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
