can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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