I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
