gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
