I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
