would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
