He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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