Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm passing your future prison.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
