and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
