Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
