if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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