I want to make a zoo with you.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize