I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
