you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
