I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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