My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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