do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm getting married
To pizza
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
