So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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