Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
