I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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