sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
