sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
