when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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