She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize