So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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