is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
