Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
