I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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