I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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