worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
