hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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