i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
