sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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