New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize