I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
