Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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