is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We got so high we made milksteak
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
