You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
