so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
