So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
