Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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