so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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