i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
