im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize