He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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