I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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