you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so let's talk penis.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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