he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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