kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
