I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
