Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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