I just made out with a guy for $7.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
