its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
