I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
