Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
