Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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