I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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