Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
