dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize