I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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