He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
