there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
