R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
