It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
