Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize