he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
