Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
