Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize