you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
