i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
