had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
