you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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