well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
