I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize