how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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