Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
