i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
