The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
