Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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