goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
