hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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