dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
