"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
