Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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